last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
