Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
