It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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