I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Green mimosas i think yes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
