She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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