Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize