I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
