Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
