It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
