Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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