NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
