what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
