All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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