I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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