I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
