Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
