What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think i peed on brittanys purse
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
