how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He did a backflip because drugs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
