and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
