I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
