There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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