That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
