filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
