well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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