just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
