Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
