I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
