I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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