It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
