Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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