to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
