Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
