i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize