They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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