Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
