I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
