I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
