It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
