he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
please come you make the beer taste better
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
