Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
