Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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