I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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