It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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