Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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