he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
