I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
