you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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