Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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