Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dignity is for republicans.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
