this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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