I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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