WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
