i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
