I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize