Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I supernannyed him into submission
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
