If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
