Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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