She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
