i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
