there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
