Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
