That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
