hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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