i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
