You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
